News Flash))) The search for Moderate Democrats has been terminated! They have been located hiding out safe and sound in the American Congress under the alias, "Republican,". They are apparently content to be in this new location. And, at present, there seems to be no real plan to deport them back to their native land. But similarly, we have also been unable to discover any concrete indications that they have actually assimilated so as to become genuinely aligned with that conservative culture and its agenda. More details on this as they develop.
News Flash))) The Federal Government has new hours. It will now be open for business whenever the Democrats say it's OK. And, always on weekdays with names which don't end in "y."
News Flash))) This just in from the Senate: Republicans successfully preserved that outdated and inappropriate-for-the-present-reality Cloture rule and the tradition of the filibuster. And, in so doing, they have pretty much destroyed their ability to efficiently govern and favorably shape the American future. But a loud and urgent call has already gone out for a podiatrist.
News Flash))) The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has just released findings which indicate that the intellectual insulation between Congress and the Larger Social Reality is thickening, on average, twelve inches a year - YoY.
News Flash))) Columbia University's Sociology Department has conclusively determined that the adherents of Thomas Jefferson and Karl Marx can, indeed, live side-by-side peacefully for precisely 0.68 nano-seconds. But, beyond that time span, the sociologist predict that such a society would become entirely unstable and eventually necessarily explode like a social supernova.
News Flash))) Prominent Democrats and Republican are now enjoined in a study group to decide the feasibility of exchanging their respective Donkey and Elephant symbols for a single common symbol to represent their shared role in American society. They are considering the ancient Chinese, Yin-Yang Taijitu, which they believe might be a better graphic representation of two political parties simultaneously chasing their tails in a tight circle.
News Flash))) On a recent episode of The View, the ladies were mercilessly grilling a conservative guest senator. Suddenly the senator raised his voice and said, "OK, then answer me this. 'What is the difference between the beginning stage of an ugly national insurrection and what is going on in the streets of our deep blue states right now?'" The ladies were stunned to silence for a few awkward seconds until one finally said, "So, what is the difference?" The senator then said in a lowered and forlorn voice, "Sadly ladies - as it turns out, it's a trick question."
